Legacy

Today my soul grieves.  Why doesn’t it ever get easier? Today is 16 years since I suddenly lost my daddy.  You would imagine that there would be sadness and fond thoughts, but it was all I could do to get home before falling apart.  Why are the emotions so strong after all this time?  For years I chided myself for not being able to move on like everyone seemed to want me to.  I finally realized a few years back why it always felt like I just lost him yesterday – LEGACY.  Legacy is defined in the dictionary as “anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor”.  God promises love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.  I believe there is no choice but to leave a legacy.  I believe our choice is what our legacy will be.  I am blessed to have been given two parents who were/are careful with their legacy and will bestow blessings on this generation and future generations because of their faithfulness to God and commitment to each other and to my brother and me. My Daddy was brave enough to stand firm in his faith and his commitment to his family and because of the rich legacy he left, his hand print is all over my life.  He is still encouraging me to grow closer to the Lord and to live in a way that continues his legacy.  The image that I always have associated with my dad, even as a young child, is an eagle.  The verse that I always associated with my dad and wrote in my wedding program in his memory and honor is Isaiah 40:31.  It says, “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”  I don’t understand why he had to die.  I don’t understand why he isn’t here to defend me when I need it, or encourage me in a way only he could, or be the most amazing granddaddy to my boys.  I do, however, understand true legacy.  If it’s contrived, faked, or manipulated, it cannot withstand death.  If it’s true and good and faithful, generations will reap its benefits.  In a time when boys are often seen as bothersome and the role of fathers trivialized, I know for sure that God entrusted me with two precious boys because I understand how impactful a Godly man can be in the lives he touches.  I am so blessed to have had him for 21 years; I am so blessed that my mom clings to God’s promise to defend the widows; I am so blessed to have the privilege of raising boys; I am so blessed to have a husband who always remembers today and sent me flowers to let me know he loves me.  Tomorrow I will see the Lord’s compassions – they are new every morning as it says in Lamentations.  But today my soul grieves.